You’re wondering why the hell I’m bothering to do a review on this movie now after I’ve already seen it months ago and therefore no point to giving it a actual review since you’ve probably seen it already but I thought since the DVD recently came out and I just couldn’t stop thinking about how bad this film was I’ve finally decided to dish out my thoughts on why this Movie is a piece of shit and maybe hopefully saving your souls from wasting your money on this sorry excuse of a film.
Seriously, if this doesn’t win WORST FILM OF THE YEAR in all the awards I’ll finally know that the human race truly is as dumb and stupid then I give them credit for. If you feel insulted then good because it doesn’t compare to how insulted I feel having watched this film and still deciding whether or not I wanna see a sequel to this ever again or if pray do, have this entire series rebooted and done some FUCKING JUSTICE.
Before I start I want you all to know, I enjoyed the First Resident Evil movie as I did the Second film. Why? Well simply put they felt like the games to some extent and they felt like pretty good game to film adaptations. That and they felt like dark and gritty films with decent characters and good action scenes and they both felt connected as a whole.
Sure the second film went away from what the games were but it still used characters (In Name Only) and actual settings present in the games and it actually seemed like they were going to do a interesting storyline in the third film but damn, it was a let down. A Big Major fucking departure from the games stories and what was presented in the previous film.
I was hyped for the Third entry, RESIDENT EVIL EXTINCTION but it didn’t live up to what I had expected of it. I knew about the end of the world concept they were going with but I thought, hell, could be good. Something the games never did and I honestly felt they were been very repetitive. I mean, how many times can you save the world? The virus has to get out sometime and destroy the Earth sometime right? Well Extinction went with that route and I had read the Official Novel before hand to get ready.
Needless to say, the Novel was better. The Third film was only half decent. I liked the setting, the character of Dr. Isaac and I even liked Jason O’Mara as Wesker. It was a interpretation and Wesker in the games has been played by many voice actors and hell even actors (Original Wesker). So I wasn’t that disappointed with it all. I was interested to see how things would go and I even enjoyed the overall characters and direction of the third film.
What I was disappointed by was that Alice stole most of the fucking spotlight from all the other characters and her psychic powers which she developed at the end of Two wasn’t even put to good use here. Why give her such powers and not go big with them? It was pointless to give her powers in the first place to begin with.
And then there was the character of Claire Redfield who was nothing like her Game Counterpart. It was obvious from the way the character was portrayed that originally she was meant to be Jill Valentine from the Second Film but that character doesn’t even appear or is even mentioned for that matter in this movie along with another character Angela Ashford, the little girl whose Father created the Virus in the first place.
The Novel explains what happened to these characters and how the T-Virus Outbreak started but there was no mention of it at all in the film and well, it just felt rushed and it jumped forward in time without explaining anything which is disappointing because Extinction feels like a complete different movie compared to the first two and doesn’t feel connected to them at all.
But despite it’s shitty flaws it was still alright popcorn type of film to sit down and watch. This is something I cannot say for RESIDENT EVIL AFTERLIFE, the recent forth entry to the franchise.
BUT DAMN WAS AFTERLIFE THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN.
BE WARNED. HEAVY SPOILERS FROM START TO FINISH. Screw it, you don’t need to watch it. Just read this and you’ll realize why it’s bad. If you still plan to see it after then at least you’ll be prepared for what is ahead.
The film starts in Tokyo (Where the last film ended) and its before the whole zombie biohazard infection took place. We get some nice shoots with fast and slow motion put into it. (Did I mention half the fucking film is in slow motion? AND THAT IT’S IN 3D?)
People walk past as it’s raining and they’re ALL holding umbrellas. OH THE IRONY. You see, the villains in the film is a corporation called Umbrella and all the useless people in the street are holding umbrellas so I just found it ironic.
The shots keep going to this one girl whose soaking wet (Hot…okay, not really. Kinda off putting actually) and she isn’t carrying an umbrella. (Well obviously not otherwise she wouldn’t be wet) and this bitch is just standing there as the camera moves up from her feet to her face and already we can tell something’s wrong. What happens next is that she bites into this one guy out of the millions who are walking past her.
WHAT? She just waited for this one ass to come near her before she sunk her teeth into him? Fucking stupid. There’s like hundreds of people right there and instead she just waits to bite this one certain ass? That’s not even the stupidest part of the whole beginning. What’s stupid is HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET INFECTED IN THE FIRST PLACE? There’s hundreds of people there and only she’s gets infected? HOW THE FUCK DID THE INFECTION EVEN GET FROM AMERICAN TO TOKYO IN THE FIRST PLACE? HOW, HOW, HOW? Questions that are never answered sadly.
So the beginning ends and the camera zooms out to show Earth in all its’ shitty CGI shittyness and we get another Alice Narration that poorly and rashly explains what has happened so far in the story. Not that we could care since it’s the same bullshit she repeats in all the sequels. (My name is Alice and that. FUCK OFF!!! WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN THE GAMES. FUCK OFF AND DIE ALREADY)
And the film cuts back into action mode. Two Japanese sniper goons doing some stuff from Dawn of the Dead and eventually they’re all killed by something unseen. Film cuts to a CGI layout of the underground Umbrella base in Tokyo and we zoom in all the way in until we’re at the control room with the rest of the ethic twits who you guessed it…will all die in a matter of minutes.
We finally get introduced to the Main villain of the film Albert Wesker who was last played by Jason O’Mara in the last one and now by good looking Robert Shawn who clearly hasn’t appeared in a lot of films. Albert Wesker I may add is one of the main villain characters in the games who has appeared in the majority of them and in those games HE ISN’T UMBRELLA’S CEO AND PLAYED BY A REJECT WHO TRIES TO HARD TO ACT LIKE AGENT SMITH FROM THE MATRIX. SOMETHING THAT THIS FILM TRIES TO POORLY COPY IN MOST OF ITS ACTION SCENES.
Wesker discovers a army of ALICE CLONES (Third film ended with Alice discovering a lab of Clones waking up) and they all go on a hunt through the facility killing everything they see and did I mention the majority of shots are in slow motion? It’s not bad at first but the constant use of it will drive you crazy. And the poor wire work, OMG, if you can’t tell how fake the stunts are then please, go to SPEC SAVERS.
We then cut to Wesker shooting one of his own man for questioning his logical orders (I may add this was badass) before we cut to another poorly obvious CGI scene.
SERIOUSLY, HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY ALL WEARING THE SAME UNIFORM? The only difference is one or two of them are wearing high heels but other than that, they’ll all wearing the same and carrying the same guns and shit. I know they’re clones but fuck, you’d think they’d try to add some personality to each of them. This screams poor budget folks. And aren’t there meant to be hundreds of these clones? Why just focus on two of them?
The action scene results in them jumping out a window while shooting (Obvious Matrix Reloaded Rip off right here.) and they jump and then rope rappel down to the control room where Wesker and his goons kill one and the other Alice kills them all and then Wesker shoots her and acts like a badass. Honestly, seeing Wesker kill a Alice here is just…it feels good because no words could ever describe the hatred I have for this Mary Sue Bitch.
So Wesker continues looking awesome and discovers to his horror that the dead Alice clone had a bunch of live grenades. Wesker legs it and the control room explodes and BOOM, BLAM, EXPLOSIVE SOUNDS…YOU GET THE POINT!!!
If anyone remembers the trailers, there was meant to be a scene with Wesker injured and walking out a exploding corridor into a room on fire and his broken leg automatically snapping back in place. Why they removed this I’ll never understand. This film is piss short and honestly I don’t understand why you’d want to spend your money on a short piss ass stupid film that doesn’t even meet the 90 Minute mark.
But enough of that. We can discuss Extended Cuts another day. Onto the worst film of the decade.
Wesker gets on his helicopter plane thingy and makes a get away. A bunch of Clone Alices rush in and fire upon him with their bullets having no effort what so ever. Now this really pissed me off. Why? The Alices have PYSCHIC POWERS. They make things explode with their minds. Early on we had a Alice clone use her powers to blast away a room full of soldiers and equipment into oblivion. SO WHY THE HELL AREN’T ALL THE ALICES USING THEIR MIND POWERS TO SMASH THE FUCKING HELICOPTER INTO THE GROUND? YOU’D THINK WHEN YOU INTRODUCE SUCH A PLOT DEVICE YOU’D MAKE USE OF IT BUT NO. ITS LIKE THE WRITER (PAUL WS ANDERSON, also Director and Producer of this series) FORGOT THEY EXISTED. FOR GOD SAKE’S MAN, KEEP TO THE DETAILS AND FACTS WILL YOU, YOU FUCKING USELESS ENGLISH TWAT!!! You shame great english talent. It’s insulting.
So Wesker escapes. And what does he do? He activates a bloody Plasma nuclear bomb that destroys the underground base, killing any surviving workers and all the clones and destroying half of Tokyo with it. It’s a pretty sick moment but the fact that you have a man here who can at any time decide to push a button to blow you and a city up whenever he likes makes me again ask WHY THE FUCK SUCH A THING WASN’T DONE IN THE FIRST OR SECOND FILM. If Wesker is the CEO and he happens to have nuclear bombs installed in his bases then why on earth wasn’t this plan to wipe out the infection in the second film or first for that matter used? I know it’s a Recon or whatever you call it but its fucking stupid. At least in the games you get 20 to 10 minutes to get to the emergency escape before your life is ended in a fiery blaze. This however…I mean come on!!!
As if to further insult our intelligence the REAL ALICE just so happens to be onboard the fucking helicopter. WHAT THE HELL? How did she know he’d be on it? And how the hell did she get there in the first place? Not just that, her clones all just died. You’d think she’d show some kind of emotion but no, Milla Jovovich’s acting is as wooded as ever always pulling the same facial fucking expression like the fucking goat she is.
What happens again is further evidence that this movie is just trying to insult us. Alice wants Wesker dead. She has him at her grasp. All she has to do is shoot him. BUT NO, instead she walks up to him, puts her gun to his head and says “Any last words?”
(Dumbfounded Face) WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD WOULD YOU DO THAT? JUST SHOOT HIM AND BE DONE WITH IT ALREADY. I KNOW IT’S A FUCKING MOVIE BUT TRY TO GO ABOUT IN A SANE AND SENSIBLE MANNER WILL YOU. FUCK.
And what happens…you guessed it, she gets her ass handed to her. Wesker injects her with a serum that cures her of her infection. Okay, let’s take a breather and think about this for a minute.
Wesker has in his hands a serum that CURES THE INFECTION. And in the last movie Umbrella was searching for a cure. But here Wesker just so happens to have a cure. WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T HE JUST MASS PRODUCE THAT TO CURE THE FUCKING WORLD? Oh and they completely forgot the plotline of Alice’s blood been the cure from the last film. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT?
And further more, the cure takes away her powers. So now Alice is just normal again. THANK FUCKING GOD. Finally, they actually did something right for a change. No more seeing super woman saving the fucking day again. And then Wesker beats her up. THANK YOU SWEET JESUS. Wesker actually beats Alice up. Thank you. Thank you. Now just blow her brains out and we’ll be done with her. But no, what happens next is that Alice stops him by talking to him. And She thanks him for making her human. Oh how sweet. PULL THE TRIGGER. I’VE SAT THROUGH 3 FILMS WITH HER SHITTY CHARACTER, NOW DO US ALL A FAVOR AND END IT. But nope, the helicopter/plane crashes into a mountain. And we get this 30 second freeze frame shot of them just flying through the air into the fire and god does this one shot go on forever before finally time continues again and the plane crashes.
You know, if they didn’t have those slow motion parts this film would’ve ended much sooner.
So we come to a plane wreckage and surely no one could’ve survived that…nope, mary sue Alice is still alive and…WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, hold on a second there, HOW THE FUCK DID SHE SURVIVE? Didn’t she just have her powers removed? How the fuck did she survive a plane crash. The fucking plane exploded and it showed her been thrown into the flames. HOW THE FUCK DID SHE SURVIVE THAT? Clearly the laws of getting burned to dust when in a plane crash don’t apply here. Are we stupid yet? If not then don’t worry. This film just gets worsen and worsen as it goes. If you’re still smart at the end of this review then you’ll be smart enough about ever going near these shitty films.
So we cut to like 18 months later or something. We have Alice in a small by plane flying to Alaska to find her friends Claire Redfield (Ail Larter) and K-Mart (Spencer Locke) and the rest of the survivors from the last film. The last film explained that there was no infection there so there you have it. A plot device they haven’t forgotten. Oh joy to the world.
Alice gets to Alaska and to her confusion and horror finds a graveyard of planes. The entire area free of any sign of life. As she investigates she discovers the helicopter her friends escaped in with no sigh of them. Alice proceeds to make video dairy explaining how she blames herself for this whole mess. And to be fair it is in a sort of its not really your fault then again it is sort of way. And the video dairies are just laughable. If there are truly no one left in the world who the fuck are you gonna have to watch your videos? STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. Okay, maybe not, but to me it is.
Alice is then stalked by someone and Alice starts to chase the said person.
Wait a minute, this is a zombie/monster film right? Where are all the zombies and monsters then? I’d rather watch 3 hours of people walking in Lord of the Rings then watching Milla Jovovich storming off while pretending to be tough. Did I mention shes fucking the Director and that they have a kid together? I’m starting to think Anderson writes these movies just to keep his wife and himself in business because other than that, he’s a talent less hack.
So Alice heads to a plane where she thinks said person ran away into and is spooked by a folk of crows. HOLD ON A SECOND. In the last film there were Zombie crows who attacked the characters. How come the crows here aren’t doing it? You can’t tell me these crows haven’t eaten infected flesh and thus are…normal? See, this movie tires to ignore everything it did in the last film. The last film also said the whole world became a waste barren and that lakes dried up and trees died and yet, here we are in Alaska and we have lakes and trees. So much for sticking to the known facts and trying to ignore them. Why write it in the first place?
So Alice gets spooked and is attacked by a crazy person whose meant to be Claire but its clearly a stunt double and amazingly the stunt double hardly does anything amazing that Ali couldn’t have pulled off herself. And Alice of cause discovers its Claire and also discovers a red scarab device on her chest. (Resident Evil 5 Video Game Reference)
Next scene has Crazy Claire wake up chained up to the plane and Alice explaining who she is and what happened to her. Claire it seems has lost her memory because of the device. So all that character development in the last film has gone to waste for her. Yeah, Anderson really tried to ignore a lot of things in the last film. The only reference he makes now to the last one is the mention of characters who died. Hey, at least they’re still remembered after 18 months.
And so our air trip continues with Alice piloting her plane to L.A. with Claire’s hands tied in the back. We get to LA and some buildings are on fire while others look like they’ve blown up. Seriously, its been like 5 years, how the fuck are the buildings still burning? Is that even possible or another form of stupidity they threw into this movie to try and give it a cool look?
Alice and Claire find one building surrounded by hundred, thousands of zombies. It’s a Prison complex by the way and again I’m not to sure on L.As geography but I’m sure that such a complex doesn’t actually exist there or does it? Be happy to correct me if I’m wrong. Of cause this applies that you watch the film and I don’t honestly want you lot to suffer through this horde of crap.
Now we get introduced to the rest of the poor paid cast of characters. Angel Ortiz, a big Spanish or Mexican military guy and engineer, Luther, the only Black character in the film and leader of the survivors here and also a ex basketball player, Crystal, the British big breasted hottie (Actor used to be in Grange Hill Children’s series) who is pretty much nothing in this film, Kim Youg, the only surviving Asian dude here who happens to be a dork who also doesn’t do shit and is the assistant of Bennet, a big time movie producer who looks like a wannabe bad guy in the making.
Obviously of cause, these guys are all going to suffer horrible deaths but I’m sure at least one of them who is American will survive because if we learnt anything its just all other ethic people die and only the good American people live.
The plane lands and Angel uses wires in the ground to slow it down and then we have a slow motion shot of Luther jumping and grabbing the plane and stopping it from going over the edge, (Seriously? One guy manages to hold a plane from going over the edge? I hate to say this but the first three films followed some form of logic in them. This just…oh god…)
So we’re introduced to the cast and we are introduced to a new plot device in the film. Arcadia. Arcadia was the place where all the people went to in Alaska because they were receiving transmissions from them, saying it was safe. Of cause no one was there. But now we know why. Arcadia just so happens to be a TANKER SHIP near the coast of the city. So now our heroes have to find a way to get out the prison, get through the horde of undead and get to the ship. Yes, it feels that rushed doesn’t it? And no, there isn’t enough time to develop the characters for us to feel sorry for them.
Speaking of characters, Alice, Luther and Crystal get talking and we discover they have someone locked up down below in fear of their own safety because they think said person is a possible Hannibal Lector. Alice and Luther head down there and we are introduced to another character who we’ll just call the Perv. Name says it all.
Perv is watching over the prison cell and leaves with Luther while Alice gets introduced to our new friend here and guess what…its none other than Michael Scofield himself.
Michael aka Wentworth Miller from Prison Break is…stuck in a prison cell in a prison. All the irony of it all. And what’s his characters name? Chris Redfield. Yes, Chris REDFIELD. As in Chris and CLAIRE REDFIELD. You can guess what that means but I’ll get to that in a minute.
Chris says he knows a way out but first Luther and the others need to let him out but oh no. We don’t trust the scary looking man in the prison cell. For real people, for real, the world is dead and been ruled by zombies and you ass clowns are worried about one guy whose wearing fucking military uniform by the looks of it and HOW THE HELL DOES HE TAKE A SHIT AND PISS? Because if you look closely there’s no fucking toilet there.
So they live and ignore the help of Chris and we go to a scene of Luther taking Alice to the Shower room. If you’re hoping for some Milla Jovovich’s nudity like the last films but with more wetness applied then stop right there because there isn’t any. Yes, for once in her useless career Milla doesn’t strip. Honestly, this is one poor film that doesn’t deliver on anything. Not the gore, not the story or action and good god, not even some naked goodness.
Enough of that, remember Mr. Perv? Well this is why he is called a Perv because he tries spying on Alice here. He gets found out and gets at gunpoint taken away when all of a sudden a bunch of zombies appear out of nowhere and have their mouths split open to reveal a leech like mouth. One grabs Perv and it jumps down into a hole it buried out off.
Interesting, so now the zombies can dig tunnels and shit. And most interesting is the fact they now resemble the Majini monsters from the Resident Evil 5 Video Game who in that game were infected by a Parasite. NOT A VIRUS, A MUTATED PARASITE. In these films, it’s a virus but no fucking explanation is given as to how the zombies mutated. JESUS CHRIST, COME ON. WHAT…YOU GONNA HAVE THE AXEMAN FROM RESIDENT EVIL 5 SHOW UP OUT OF NO WHERE TOO? (Pause) (Watches the exact scene unfold) Forget what I just said.
So now the characters are faced with a new disaster. They need to get out of the prison and fast and who do they go to? Michael Scofield, Prison Break expert…Sorry, I meant Chris Redfield, Claire Redfield’s long lost older brother or so he says because since Claire has lost her memory she doesn’t remember him at all and even goes about nearly snapping his head off. What a sister huh…
And that’s about it. There is no story or character scenes that explain Chris and Claire’s past. Did I also mention that Chris Redfield IS THE MAIN MALE CHARACTER OF THE VIDEO GAME SERIES and its taken 4 movies for him to finally appear in them? I honestly have to ask now, what’s the fucking point anymore? What’s the fucking point? Claire didn’t mention a brother in the last film and now they introduce him out of the blue. Its honestly just pointless now. I don’t care. I couldn’t care. They’ve already ruined his character by having him locked up in a fucking cell instead of been the hardcore badass hero he is in the games.
So Chris reveals his master plan. A armoured truck that’ll get them out but first they need to cut through the Garage lock and in the meantime Chris and Alice will go to get weapons from a weapons armoury which happens to be located in a flooded area. Angel, Bennet and Kim get busy on cutting through the garage lock while Luther and Claire go to take care of the Axeman who happens to appear at that moment and start to smash through the gate that keeps the zombies out. They shoot him in the head with no effect.
QUESTION: Who is this guy? Is he a super zombie? Where did he come from? Africa? I say Africa because Resident Evil 5 took place in Africa and because the Axeman was an enemy that you fight and who appears only in Resident Evil 5 which took place in Africa. GET IT? GOOD.
So I ask again, who is he? What is he? Where did he come from? Why put him in the film and give no explanation about his presence? STUPID WRITING AS USUAL FROM THE ONE AND ONLY PAUL WANK SHIT ANSDERSON. (If anyone else has any ideas what to name his W.S. initials then be free to give suggestions)
MOVING ON. The Axeman survives been shot in the head and pounds away at the gate which starts to break.
Meanwhile, Chris and Alice are about to go swimming because for some reason the armoury is located on the other side of a flooded corridor and they need to swim through it. They are joined by Crystal who tells them she’s a swim chap and will join them. This part reminded me of that movie the Poseidon Adventure. Remember that fat old lady who died doing something useful that served a purpose? Well if you think Crystal is gonna serve some form of that same purpose then guess again because she doesn’t do shit except cook eggs and look hot and talk in a British accent and that’s about it.
No really, that’s all there is to her character. The three of them swim under and we treated to a underwater scene where pretty much NOTHING HAPPENS. Remember Alien Resurrection? Jaws? The Piranha films? Or any monster movie where there’s water involved? Yeah, in those the heroes have the mis-fortune of encountering something that tries to murder them while they’re swimming under the water but here nothing happens. There is no horror or tension here. The scene tricks you into thinking something is gonna happen but nothing does and all it does in the end is bore you to death.
I wonder how much money they spend on this scene and who the hell didn’t bother to mention how boring and useless it was in the context of the film.
Anyway, they make it to the surface. Alice and Chris go ahead and Crystal stays behind them. What happens next is so predictable and so cliché and just down right sad it just makes me feel even stupider for watching this film. A zombie comes out from the water (Oh, so now they can swim too) and bites into Crystals face and pulls her down into the water. Seconds later a horde of zombies spring out giving chase. Alice and Chris leg it to the armoury and take refuge inside.
You’d expect some sort of emotion or sadness for Alice or Chris’s lack of skill to save Crystal but no. Its like she never existed and they joyfully look around the amounts of weapons and ammo they’ve found for themselves in here. So much for drama. Seriously, a person just died and no one gave a shit. There was more emotion and sadness felt for the useless side characters in the last film. I actually felt more for them than I did the main characters. Here however Anderson fails to show us any kind of emotion. Sure you didn’t know her but fuck, she trusted you enough to join you and got murdered for it. Show some fucking compassion will ya!!!
The next scene with Angel, Bennet and Kim Youg. They break the lock on the garage door and enter it to find the armoured tank/truck they’ll be using to get out. However, there is a problem, the engine hasn’t been put in. So now this entire subplot has become another pointless plot device that has yet again been thrown away.
What happens next is Kim asks if Angel can fix it. Angel been a Engineer says it’d take him a week. That’s all cool right? You’re in a maximum security prison with food that’ll last you a week with new found weapons and shit. So it’s all cool. Take your time. NOPE, Bennet decides he can’t be bothered to hang around another week with these so called idiots and decides to put a bullet into Angel’s head. Well, so much for that character. I actually liked him as well.
Meanwhile the Axeman breaks through the gate and Luther and Claire leg it. But here’s the next stupid part of the film. They don’t head to the Garage where they planned to take the truck and to see that Angel has died but instead head up towards the roof. Chris and Alice also escape through a vent that leads to the roof and only carry small arms fire.
YOU HAVE ALL THOSE WEAPONS THERE AND YOU ONLY PICK THE SMALL SHIT AND BOMBS? WHAT THE FUCK MAN???? THIS MAKES LESS SENSE THAN LEON BUYING ALL HIS WEAPONS FROM THE MERCHANT IN RESIDENT EVIL 4 THE GAME INSTEAD OF JUST SHOOTING HIM AND STEALING HIS STUFF. WHAT THE HELL???
Bennet steals the plane and files it off the roof and like everything else this movie has chosen to ignore, it continues that tradition by ignoring the laws of gravity because a plane that just took off with hardly much of a run way in the way and not enough air to pull it up manages to safely land in the horde of zombies below and then run through them and tearing them to pieces before taking off and flying into the air towards the Arcadia ship. Nevermind the fact the propeller should be fucked to shit and shouldn’t be able to faction after tearing through all those rotten dead corpses.
So Bennet the obvious badguy who was going to betray you escapes with the plane (What I don’t understand is why they didn’t just let two people go on the plane in the first place? Alice said she didn’t have use for it anymore but no, lets ALL escape instead of picking two people to try and get out safely. Stupid, stupid, stupid.) and the rest of them are trapped in the prison area. And did I mention no one brings up the fact that Crystal and Angel are dead? Or for the fact no one questions Kim Youg on what happened to Angel or the truck they were going to use to escape? Yeah, like I said before, so much for character development.
Seconds later of cause a horde of zombies manage to sneak up behind them and no one hears this. WOW, now they’re blind and deaf too. Amazing. I think I’m getting more stupid watching this. I think half my brain cells have died just writing this review up and talking about it. Oh the horror, THE HORROR…
So they are attacked by a horde of zombies. The action mostly focuses on Alice. Yeah, because she’s the most important and interesting character in this film. Let’s ignore the other four characters that are there on the roof yeah. Let’s forget that we haven’t developed the relationship between Brother Chris and Sister Claire or the little forced romance between Luther and Alice and the pussy Asian Kim Youg.
I find it hard to believe that there was no backlash or racism critism to this film. The whole beginning focuses on a bunch of Asian men getting sliced and diced and then you get a Asian who never fires a gun and is a complete tool and pussy. HOW THE FUCK DID NO ONE FEEL OFFENDED?
All the characters escape into a elevator and Alice throws a bomb on the elevator roof which blows the cables and causes the elevator to crash down into the flooded area below. The characters escape the sinking elevator by getting off at the un flooded floor and escape while Alice battles hundreds of zombies who have amassed on the roof and just STAND THERE STARING. Shouldn’t they all be running and getting shot down?
Instead the shot after the elevator is on Alice and moves to a horde of zombies who just STAND THERE. When Alice raises her gun do they start to run after her. If this was Will Smith instead in a alternative version of I AM LEGEND it would’ve made more sense but this is completely stupid as fuck.
Alice runs for her life and drops a bag of explosives that’s counting down and she grabs a metal cable and jumps off the roof and swings down as the bombs go off and blow the roof and zombies up. Why didn’t the cable burn off and cause Alice to fall to her death? Because Alice/Milla is the director’s wife and if he doesn’t give her the spotlight in these films then there’ll be no pussy to fuck in bed. Just dump the bitch and get a whore you hack. If you can afford to make these movies you can afford whores.
Back to film, good god, when’s it gonna end? Alice makes a dive while pulling out her guns and GOOD GOD, THE BACKGROUND IS SO OBVIOUSLY CGI. I hope this film flops at visual effects. She lands, and we get more slow motion shots and Luther comes to her rescue and Alice makes it to safety by sliding under a closing shutter.
Cut to Shower Room scene. The cast have gathered at the hole where the tunnelling zombies burst out of. They’re gonna crawl through it and use it to get to the sewers and then get to the coast. GREAT PLAN. Why didn’t you just do that to begin with? And more insulting is the fact the tunnelling zombies never returned. The whole point of escaping the prison was because of the fear of tunnelling zombies bursting out from the ground and walls but we never got such a scene and the zombies outside presumably all got blown up on the roof. SO WHATS THE FUCKING POINT AGAIN?
This film keeps throwing around plot devices it keeps forgetting or ignoring or making no use of it. FOR FUCK SAKE. YOU’VE WRITTEN IT, DEAL WITH IT. DON’T FUCKING DROP IT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
So Chris and Luther head into the tunnels to make sure its safe. At least the men are been gentlemen. That leaves Alice, Claire and Kim Youg. Kim Youg pussies out and says he can’t go through with it and then out of random the Axeman appears from no where and cuts him in half.
OKAY, ENOUGH, HOW THE FUCK DID SOMETHING THAT BIG APPEAR BEHIND THEM WITHOUT THEM HEARING HIM COMING?
What happens next is one of the most poorly executed excuse of a fight scene I’ve seen in ages. This entire action sequence is in slow motion. Its got the visuals and music going for it but there is no continuity to it.
Alice gets knocked out in the beginning. YES BITCH DIE, DIE, DIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!, damn it, Claire saves her. The Axeman then chases Claire and she dodges his large axe/hammer swings and they cut off the shower pipes and cause them to start raining water in the room. However, as the action moves forward there are pipes ahead that the Axeman didn’t even cut and they’re broken and leaking water. OBVIOUS CONTINUITY ERROR.
Claire does a backflip over him and she ends up all the way back at the end of the room. Great, now she’s super girl. FUCKING STUPID. Claire makes a run and slides under the Axeman while grabbing Alice’s fallen sawn off shotgun that shoots COINS out off it.
Claire uses it to shoot the Axeman while sliding under him and the giant falls down. Claire gets up and looks good in the rain…all wet…and hot…cough…cough…um sorry um, yes, the Axeman gets back up and throws his axe at Claire but Alice comes out of nowhere and pulls Claire down and the axe misses them and then Alice gives the Axeman the MONEY SHOT (Because the gun shoots out Coins) and blows the Axe man’s head off with…coins. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK? Not only that, for once in a film we get another character taking on a monster but no, it has to be Alice who finishes him off in the end. Always Alice. It can never be anyone else. Alice has to finish it all the time. FUCK OFF YOU SPOTLIGHT WHORE!!!!!!!!!
The then cuts to Alice and Claire squeezing through the dark tight tunnel where they pass the bloody remains of Mr. Perv before meeting up with Luther who tells them to be quiet as the Tunnel Zombies are near. He then asks where Kim Youg is.
Wow, just wow…now does someone actually give a rat’s ass and ask what happened to someone. And that’s probably the only heart felt moment we get from this crappy and again, pointless scene. They crawl on until they reach a opening where Chris is already waiting in the Sewers.
Claire jumps down to Chris and we get this one Brotherly moment here and that’s about it. WHY THE FUCK COULDN’T SHE JUST GET HER MEMORY BACK WHEN SHE RAN INTO CHRIS? Alice then drops down and before Luther can join them a Tunnel Zombie appears right next to him and opens up his tentacle mouth and drags Luther aka Only Black Character In Film away with Alice actually giving a shit and shouting off his name.
You’d think She’d be more attracted to Chris what with them having spend more Screen time together. Seriously, why the hell does she even want Luther? I thought Carlos from 2 and 3 was her main love? You’d think after losing him She’d not wanna get close to people. And don’t tell me it’s cause she’s Human again. During the entire film after she has lost her fucking powers, Alice still manages to do unnormal things, that shouldn’t be really possible for her. Like for example…
Swinging from a fucking metal rope and jumping down from a great height, landing and doing a barrel roll and getting back up and running for your life.
OR
Doing a fucking jump round kick to a giant zombie monster’s face and then getting Slammed by a giant fucking Hammer into a hard concert wall. HOW THE FUCK DON’T YOU BREAK YOUR BONES AND ORGANS FROM SUCH A HIT? IT’S NOT POSSIBLE TO SURVIVE THAT. That’s like getting hit by a bloody car. IT’S NOT POSSIBLE.
This is what I mean. She loses her powers and she should be this weak ass bitch who should be teaming up with the other characters to get things down but no, she’s still a fucking Mary sue wannabe badass. No offence, well no actually, offence meant, Ellen Ripley in the Alien films was more developed and badass then you’ll ever be. At least she had a fucking back-story that was introduced in the second film. Four films in for this and we still don’t know what Alice’s back-story is. Why should we care for her than? AND WHAT THE FUCK IS HER SURNAME? DON’T GIVE ME THAT NOVEL BULLSHIT. I WANT HER OFFICIAL SURNAME FOR THESE FILMS.
Cut to Alice, Claire and Chris walking away from the Sewers and the scene jump cutting to them on a Boat. WHERE THE HELL DID THEY FIND A BOAT? Okay, fine, I’ll let this one slide. They did say the Sewer would lead them to the cost. I’ll let this one go.
And the Boat just heads straight to the Arcadia ship. What? No Dialogue? No Brother and Sister sweet talk? WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF PUTTING CHRIS INTO THIS MOVIE THEN IF HE ISN’T GOING TO FORM SOME FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS LONG LOST SISTER? FOR FUCK SAKE MAN.
They reach the Ship and climb on board where they discover Alice’s crashed plane with no Bennet in sight. Oh Goody, so Mr Obvious Traitor is somewhere on the ship running amok. Hope he gets his just deserves.
Alice, Claire and Chris then head onto the Ship Bridge where they discover the Radio Transmission that lured Alice and Claire to Alaska in the first place. Something then happens over the background noise of the Transmission and we hear something that sounds like a screeching noise. They also discover that somewhere on this deserted Tanker are about a Thousand or was it Two Thousand survivors on board. Really? That many people? I don’t think such a Ship could hold that many people but oh well, SURPRISE ME.
They head down to the Cargo Area and come upon the Ships Hold Entrance and what do they find on the Ship’s door? A Logo. A Logo of what? Alice “ Umbrella?” Yes, Alice. Umbrella. So this ship is a Umbrella ship which doesn’t sound good to our Heroes. Claire then remembers what happened when she got to Alaska.
They came upon the beach where the Arcadia was docked and bunch of people came on shore on rafts and then proceeded to attack the survivors by placing the Red Scarab devices on their chests. Claire managed to escape and ran of into the Alaska wilderness.
GOOD MOTHER OF JOSEPH…They just let her go? They didn’t bother trying to capture her? They just let her go? And HOW THE HELL DID CLAIRE SURVIVE AS A MENTALLY UNCONTROLLABE BITCH FOR…18 MONTHS WAS IT? What the hell did she eat? How the hell did she survive? AND MOST IMPORTANT…HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET A NEW SET OF CLOTHS WHEN SHE MEANT ALICE? The fact she was roped tied makes me wonder how Alice managed in the first place to get her naked, bath her, make her all pretty and clean and then dress her with new cloths. HOW? HOW? HOW? QUESTIONS UPON QUESTIONS THAT ARE NEVER ANSWERED. GOOD GOD...DO YOU SEE? DO YOU SEE WHY THIS FILM IS BAD? WHY IT MAKES NO SENSE? DO YOU SEE?
NO?
THEN LET ME FURTHER educate your by continuing to ramble on towards the final of this great unexplained epic.
So now that Claire remembers what happened in Alaska and has somewhat got her memory back (Still doesn’t know who Chris is.) and Alice proceeds to say that this whole with Arcadia was a lie with Claire then shouting off and raising her gun as the Door Entrance opens up, “No, it’s worse than that. IT’S A TRAP”. Admiral Ackbar, she stole your famous line. COPYRIGHT AND SUE ALREADY!!!
So Claire has shouted it’s a trap and what do they do? They walk into the new dark room knowing full well it’s a trap. WHERE THE HELL IS THE LOGIC TO ALL OF THIS? IF YOU KNOW IT’S A TRAP WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WILLINGLY WALKING INTO IT? WHY? WHY? WHY?
And they walk into the room and what happens? You guessed it. It’s most defiantly a trap because the Entrance Door then seals shut on them. SEE? SEE WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY!!!
Honestly, at least in the games the Characters didn’t know they were in a trap until it was too late and then had to figure out, (Well the Players had to) on how to get out of it. The Games made more sense in then this film has since it started.
The doors close and the lights come on and we see that characters are in the Holding Area of the ship. Everything in this room is Pure White with nothing in it except them. So where are the Two Thousand survivors then? Well under the floor. They’re in Pods and are under the floor. The characters find a Portable Control Device that lists all the people Umbrella has captured. How did Umbrella even get the information on all these people?
They scroll through the list until they find K-MART. And that is exactly what her name is listed as. K-Mart. Way to go Paul. WHAT THE FUCK? So when K-Mart got captured she gave them her new name instead of her real one? I don’t know. I’m just confused by this whole thing anyway.
They press the button that releases all the Pods to come out the ground and they find K-Mart’s pod and Claire and Chris go to wake her up. How much did Spencer Locke get paid to appear in this for Five Minutes? It’s kind of a waste considering she was one of the main characters in the Third one and even then she was pointless as she is now.
Alice then sees a Pod that has been smashed and is wiped with Blood all over. She investigates and touches the Pod only to get a FLASHBACK scene of the Victim inside getting munched on. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA? How did Alice just manage to see a flash of the last’s guys moments? What? Now she has Psychic Powers? I thought she was human so how the fuck did she just manage to do that? Is she getting her powers back because then that would explain why the fuck she managed to do all that shit in the Prison Action scenes which also means the Cure she got didn’t even work. Is that the case here? WELL WE DON’T KNOW BECAUSE IT’S LEFT AT THAT. OH COME ON…WHY BRING BACK THE SUPER POWERS IF YOU AIN’T GONNA…OH FUCK IT. I DON’T CARE ANYMORE.
Alice walks off into the next room which consists of a Large ass Corridor with those Helicopter/Planes are lined in a row to one side. Uh oh, I’m getting a bad feeling here. Oh, by the way, they’re called Osprey Helicopters or Osprey Planes. We’ll just call them Ospreys. Anyway, Alice walks to a certain distance and notices one Osprey and then the PLASMA NUCLEAR BOMB DEVICE from the beginning of the film. OHHHH, I see where this is going. Alice then walks the long ass distance all the way to the next room.
Meanwhile Chris searches for Alice and sees the bloody Pod area. He raises his gun and goes off to the rescue. What a caring chap.
Alice enters the Large room is houses a row of surgical tables with dead plastic fake dead people on them along with Computer screens that go up into the ceiling and Alice reunites with none other than ALBERT “AGENT SMITH” WESKER himself now sporting his Resident Evil 5 Video Game’s counterpart Outfit. I have to say, they got the look down perfectly. I WANT THAT BLACK SHINY OUTFIT.
So Wesker survived…seriously, if you thought he was dead then you must be a moron. His the film’s Main Fucking Villain. If Alice survived a Plane Crash surely this fucking asshore did as well.
They begin talking and Robert Shawn tries his best Agent Smith Impersonation. I’m happy he isn’t trying to do D.C. Douglas or Richard Waugh’s Albert Wesker. I imagine he’d fail so horribly at trying to do them that the Voice Actors themselves would feel offended and result in trying to cut his tough out. Still, I give props to Robert here. It seems his the only one who is trying to make sure he is somewhat like his character and trying his best to give off the best movie Wesker possible. I still think they should’ve gone with Christian Bale or Robert Patrick for the role. Those guys have the look, walk and talk to do a badass scary Albert Wesker.
Honestly, I could write a whole essay on why Albert Wesker is such a badass and interesting character in the Video Game series. He is by all doubts the most developed character in the Resident Evil games and this film does him no justice what so ever.
So Robert Shawn aka Albert Wesker goes onto explain the T-Virus brought him back from the dead. So he was infected at the time of the Tokyo Attack then right?
And he further goes onto say that the Virus is now trying to control and take over him. Interesting, this is something new to bring up. The T-Virus can actually think for it self…WAIT, WHAT? How?
And Wesker goes onto to explain that he needed to eat fresh human DNA to keep control of his body. (That explains the smashed up bloody Pod) and Alice realizes that is the reason for the Ship been empty of any crew since they jumped ship in fear of their fearless leader chewing on them. Well at least some sort of explanation is given for that.
Alice is also nearly attacked by TWO ZOMBIE DOGS but Wesker orders them to stop and they sit down obeying his commands. HOW? HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? In the Third film at the beginning these bunch of rednecks had a horde of Dogs and they then proceeded to kill their owners. Yet Wesker here has them under his control. HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK? WHAT? HE GAVE THEM SOME SORT OF CONTROL DEVICE OR SOMETHING? My head is starting to hurt from over thinking and analysing this shit.
Before Alice can blow Wesker’s head away she is held at gunpoint by Bennet. AGAIN? How the hell did he manage to sneak up on Alice? How many times has something managed to sneak up on her and others in this fucking film. JUST BE REASONALE FOR CHRIST SAKE. And why the hell is Bennet working for Wesker now. Not just that, Bennet also looks bad. So what? His infected? How the fuck did he get infected? I want to cry. I really want to cry from the lack of things been explained in this film.
Wesker then goes on and on about how he needs to EAT ALICE to maintain true control over his body and new found powers because she is the only human in existence to have successfully bonded with the T-Virus. And why is that? Why was Alice the only one who managed to bond with the T-Virus? And why is Wesker only suffering from the side efforts when hundreds of others turned into zombies?
AND THAT IS WESKER’S GOAL AND PLAN YEAH? His the Main fucking Villain and his grand master plan is to eat Alice? And then what? Take over a already dead world? WHAT IS UMBRELLA’S GOAL HERE ANYMORE?
Honestly, I’ll take Resident Evil 5’s over the top cliché Villain Wesker over this stupid ass fuck here. At least in Resident Evil 5 the reason for Wesker’s plans is because he’s turned into a psychotic fucking lunatic and here Movie Wesker just wants to eat Alice to gain back control over his Body and Powers. HOW THE HELL DOES EATING ALICE SOLVE THAT PROBLEM ANYWAY? First you tried to kill her back in Tokyo and now you want her alive just so you can eat her? I don’t get this crap anymore.
What happens next is Alice kicks a tray of Surgical Knifes towards Wesker who dodges them and Alice meanwhile quickly spin kicks the gun out of Bennet’s hands and then sends him flying over a table. Alice then tries to reach for her Sawn off Shotguns but is cornered by the Dogs who then mutate into their Resident Evil 5 Majini Dog Counterparts when their heads split apart. So now the Dogs have mutated too? Excellent. More senseless writing from the one and only Paul W.S. Anderson.
And then Wesker is held at gunpoint from behind by Chris and Claire. Okay, hold up one second. From the space of TWO MINUTES. HOW THE HELL DID CHRIS AND CLAIRE MANAGE TO GO ALL THE WAY AROUND THE BACK OF THE SHIP TO GET TO WESKER FROM BEHIND? HOW? WHAT? THEY CLIMBED A FUCKING VENT AND FLASHED SUPER SPEED THEIR WAY TO THE BACK? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
And as if to further insult the game fans, Wesker somehow knows who they two are by referring to them as Chris and Claire Redfield. (Claire looks at Chris as Wesker says this and probably finally believes the hot man standing next to her is her Brother) AND DOES WESKER KNOW CHRIS? Why the fuck say such a line?
In the video games one of the main themes was the rivalry and good and evil battle between Chris and Wesker but in this fucking film there is no mention of the two ever having known each other and yet Wesker here acts like he knows the two. WHAT THE FUCK?
What happens next is a scene copied from the Resident Evil 5 Video Game. Here is a comparison between the two.
Be honest, the Game’s version is better just for been faster with none of that slow motion crap added into it and having some fucking dialogue exchanges between them. I’ll admit, I like the fact its Chris AND CLAIRE fighting Wesker in the film but the scene is too fucking slow and the throwing glasses scene was just put in for the fucking 3D aspect of it. And the overall part where the camera moves around them is just bad.
And frankly, I can’t give them credit for this. Why? Because they decided to copy a scene from the game. This film series is meant to be based on the games and it has done no such job of trying to do justice to them and yet Anderson thinks he’ll be clever and add this scene to the film. I’m sorry, but why? What…so you can please the Game Fans? You’ve already destroyed anything we’d want in these films. Adding a fight scene from the game and doing a poor job of recreating it isn’t gonna please the majority of us dickhead.
The fight ends with Wesker beating both their asses and them sending them flying into Pods. Alice kills the Dogs with no effect what so ever and then is stabbed in the arm by Bennet. Wesker then has tentacles come out of his mouth like those of the new zombies and goes to attack Alice but she pulls the Knife out and stabs Wesker in the head with it. SO WESKER CAN DODGE BULLETS BUT HE CAN’T AVOID A FUCKING KNIFE?
Wesker removes the Knife and again tries the same thing again. Bennet goes to grab one of Alice’s Shotguns only for K-Mart to appear and grab it from is reach. “Who the fuck are you?” I’ll admit, I laughed slightly. K-Mart then smashes Bennet across the head with the Gun and then yell’s Alice’s name and throws the Gun to her. WAIT A SEC, K-MART REMEMBERS ALICE? She had a Scarab device attached to her just like Claire but Claire forgot her memories. HOW THE FUCK DID K-MART RETAIN HERS? (SIGHS) NEVERMIND.
Alice grabs the gun and blows Wesker’s brains out. What a idiot. You can dodge bullets but not a knife and then not a shotgun at close range. YOU JUST DODGES GUN FIRE ONLY SECONDS AGO. POOR WRITING AS USUAL. Why don’t people question the stupidity of it all?
Alice then goes to free Chris and Claire and their pictures and details are already in the Portable Control Device. HOW? And Chris and Claire are pictured looking all cool when seconds ago they were screaming for their lives? HOW? What? Are there miniature cameras inside the pods and senses that list all the details on that person inside? STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. Is this film over yet? No, not yet. Still about 10 minutes to go.
Wesker is still alive and tries getting back up only for Chris to kick him down and then He and Claire raise their Handguns and shoot holes into Wesker’s chest. What the fuck? THEY GOT UNLIMITED AMMO OR SOMETHING? And what’s stupid about this part? THEY SHOOT HIM IN THE CHEST. NOT THE HEAD. THE CHEST.
SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD YOU MORONS. BLOW HIS HEAD CLEAR OFF. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU CONTINUE TO SHOOT SOMEONE IN THE CHEST? IT’S FUCKING OBVIOUS HE ISN’T GONNA BE DEAD.
Alice, Chris, Claire and K-Mart exit the room and lock Bennet inside who swears at them in various forms before hearing something and turning around and looking all terrified. “Oh God! I just wanna go Home”. Well you should’ve thought of that before you decided to ditch your mates back at the Prison complex. Bennet is killed offscreen and you hear his screams of terror.
Meanwhile the Heroes are waking everybody up from the Pods when they hear a Osprey Helicopter going off. They find Wesker alive and shoot upon him with no damage on the Osprey and it flies off the ship and into the sky. WHY DO THE CHARACTER PRESIST ON SHOOTING SOMETHING THAT CAN’T BE STOPPED? Why waste the ammo?
Alice then screams for Chris and Claire to run to the top of the ship while Wesker meanwhile gets his control device out and activates the Plasma Bomb on board. When in doubt, just blow things up. That’ll solve everything. Did I mention Wesker here is an idiot. Alice and the other two make it to the top. Wesker then hears a beeping noise on board. He goes to discover the bomb is on board with him. Alice put the bomb on his Osprey before hand.
HOW THE FUCK DID SHE DO THAT? OUT OF ALL THE OSPREYS IN THAT CORRIDOR HOW DID SHE KNOW WHICH ONE TO PUT THE BOMB ON AND NOT ONLY THAT…When Alice first so the Bomb she didn’t head towards it but continued walking on. What? Did she go back and put it on of the many Osprey’s in the room or after she, Chris, Claire and K-Mart returned from their battle with Wesker? WHEN AND HOW? PLEASE TELL ME THIS THE LAST STUPID PART OF THIS WHOLE FILM. PLEASE.
The Osprey blows up with Wesker on board and that’s the end of that. Alice, Chris and Claire smile and laugh about it.
Cut to the Sewer Entrance from before. If you have good eyes you’ll notice what seems like a Parachute landing in the water. Wesker is alive I believe. Oh God. And then straight after that LUTHER COMES RUNNING INTO THE SHOT AND KILLS TWO ZOMBIES CHASING HIM.
WOW, The black guy lived. How decent of them. I still wish Mike Epps had lived. He was funny. This guy here makes his lines feel forced when he speaks them out. So Luther is alive. This could only mean a happy ending for our characters right?
Cut to Alice, Chris and Claire on the Arcadia Bridge and a dozen of the survivors form below are walking around the Ship’s top. The three of them discuss what to do next and Alice proceeds to continue broadcasting the Radio Transmissions to any people still alive out there. You could honestly just end this series right here and now with new hope and ignore that piece of blob that appeared to be a Parachute following into the sea.
BUT NO. If you’ve seen the previous films, they always end in big cliffhangers that never seem to live up to what was expected of them.
Cut to Luther coming out the Sewer and towards the coast and BOOM…ALLAN VALENTINE’S THE OUTSIDER REMIX STARTS PLAYING (Only good soundtrack in this whole fucking film) and we are treated to a swarm of HUNDREDS UPON HUNDREDS OF UMBRELLA OSPREY HELICOPTERS FLYING TOWARDS THE ARCADIA.
Alice, Chris, Claire and the rest of the survivors look up to see the incoming attack and we zoom out as the Osprey’s come upon the Arcadia Ship.
CUT TO CREDITS…BUT DON’T GO AWAY YET. BONUS SCENE AT THE END.
We are treated to the Cast List of the Actors/Characters in the film. One of them was Sienna Guillory as Jill Valentine who appeared in 2 but wasn’t in 3 and there was a public/fan outcry when she didn’t return and there was constant arguing and begins for Anderson to bring Sienna back for Afterlife. Well he did just that but only for the end and after the Cast List Credits. What a fucker.
We cut to a Umbrella Osprey helicopter with dozen of Umbrella Soldiers on board and a Woman walking up and down giving them orders to kills the survivors but to capture Chris, Claire and Alice. We then see it’s Sienna with a new make over. Blonde hair and wearing a blue/purple battlesuit with a Red Scarab on her chest just like her Resident Evil 5 Jill Valentine Counterpart. She then proceeds to tell the rest of the soldiers on board they’ll be in for the fight of their lives.
REALLY? The FIGHT OF THEIR LIVES? A hundred soldiers against Three armed people and a thousand defenceless innocents? Seriously? HOW THE HELL DOES ANDERSON COME UP WITH THIS CRAP? And that’s the end of the film. Another cliffhanger and another sequel in the making that’ll be as bad and horrible as the last one.
I hope you found this entertaining and worthwhile to the point where you will have listened to me and decided to not see the film for that matter. Of cause if you still decide to see it then do so. I can’t stop you but at least you’ll go in with your mind open to all the crap that goes on into.
You see, I can enjoy stupid films. But when a film continues to throw in stupidity left and right and it makes me question all the little things from the first time I watch it then it’s not really a good film now is it. A good or decent film would be where you sit down and watch it once without noticing its flaws until the next time you decide to watch it. If I notice these flaws from start to finish then there’s a big problem here and Resident Evil Afterlife is one of those problems.
I truly hope the sequel flops, and that this series is rebooted into what it was meant to be or if possible that Anderson decides to hire someone better to write the fucking script. Its not hard to do a video game adaptation and make it look good. There was Mortal Kombat one, Silent Hill and even Prince of Persia with most of its flaws still made somewhat sense and was entertaining. But this franchise is just beating a dead horse now.
People say these films aren’t repetitive but to be frank. They are. It always ends with a big cliffhanger that sets up the sequel. The Villain in that film dies and we’re introduced to the next one. And Alice always kills or beats the main monsters all the time never allowing any of the other more important characters to do that job.
I remember 1 and 2 had the various characters do their own thing but after 3 it was just Alice, this and Alice that. It’s gotten annoying, boring and repetitive for me and I wish Milla Jovovich would stop acting like a bitch and just admit to been wrong about everything her character is.
It’s called Resident Evil. BIOHAZARD IN JAPAN. It’s not called Alice Evil or anything and the games were always about the characters and their stories and their battles. But we don’t get any of the sort here and not to mention the films are piss poor short. When I go to the cinema I like to sit down and enjoy a long fun film and not waste 90 minutes of my live which results in me having to write a 21 page review on why I hated this film and thought it was bad.
To people who actually enjoy the films, enjoy them. I’m not saying you should but you have to be smart to admit the flaws that this film had. Like already mentioned. I liked 1 and 2 and even 3 to some extent but this movie was all over the place with a rushed ass pacing and one dimensional characters who I couldn’t give a rats ass about.
Overall, I give Afterlife a 5/10.
The only thing it had going for it was the visuals and even those were ruined by the lack of continuity and slow motion in the scenes. And the soundtrack was a pile of shit too except for one or two tracks. I find it amazing how 1 and 2 followed the games somewhat and managed to retain a serious feel where’s the next 2 just felt rushed and departed from those two. Honestly Anderson, you should’ve just stuck to the Game’s universe instead of trying to do some next over the top poor adaptation of your version of Day of the Dead and crap.
